Jersey Shore, Season 4, Episode 1 (Air Date: Thursday August 4, 2011) on MTV.
The episode starts out with the cast members of the Jersey Shore getting ready to set sail, er flight, to Italy! The home of their ancestors. Well, for most of them. Snooki prepares by getting her passport photos taken. Pauly D prepares by mixing tracks in his basement with fellow friends and finding the right electrical converter for his hairdryer so as not to lose “the big blowout.” Regular trip prep stuff. Pauly D hopes everyone else brought their own electrical converter since he’s “not sharing.” Tsk, Pauly D, don’t you know that sharing means caring? Pauly D also gets his passport photos done. “Passports are he-ah.” Somewhere far far away in New Jersey, Deena prepares for Italy by pre-deciding how, when and whom she will have “the sex” with in Italy. She’s clearly not thinking about whether or not she has an electrical converter. Silly girl. Vinny prepares for Italy by speaking to himself in the mirror in Italian, and throwing in a few threats for good measure. He’s specifically trying to learn how to say “No Grenades” in Italian, which will surely keep him safe. Vinny wants to find a nice, traditional Italian girl. Now, if only he knew what that actually was. The boys decide to have a big Guadagnino (Vinny’s family) family dinner before they all set out to Italy together. Snooki introduces us to her new boyfriend “Jionni – with a “J”’ (a.k.a. Next Sucker) who helps her pack but is obviously unsettled with the fact that his girlfriend will be rolling around under the Tuscan sun with two guys she smushed (If you’re thinking “it’s only one guy” – just keep reading.) Like the true bitch that he is, Jionni packs all of Snooki’s sexy thongs into her suitcase for her trip. Snooki quickly takes this time to show us her “I <3 Vinny” undies. Snooki has no idea where Italy is on the map. Situation gets his passport photos taken, and causes the camera to have a little bit of puke in it’s mouth. And by camera, I mean me. Is it just me, or does the Situation age in dog years? I think this season he’ll be celebrating his 48th birthday at some point. Mike needs to stop hanging out at beauty salons, since he’s starting to sound like the women who work there, “ya knooow.” Jenny says goodbye to heart throb Roger, who is slightly worried about her cheating on him. Jenny does a quick search of what Italian men are actually like – by flipping through numerous issues of Vogue Italia – and after only finding thin androgynous men , realizes that 6’4” juiceheads in Italy are quite rare. She figures Roger has nothing to worry about. It’s good to know who the brains of this operation is. *Sigh* “Single Ronnie” is back in Italy. For those who don’t know who Single Ronnie is (who didn’t watch Season 2 in Miami) – he’s basically Mr. Hyde to Sammi-Ronnie’s Dr. Jekyll. Or, is it the other way around? Basically, whether he’s Single Ronnie OR Sammi-Ronnie, he’s one hot mess. Speaking of Sammi, her main motto for Italy is not to be sulking and crying around over Ronnie. Too bad it wasn’t a goal, instead of a motto. Sammi’s mom makes an icky sex joke, and we quickly preview to the girls having a slumber party before they head off to Italy. The key here is guys vs. girls as to who will get to Italy first. Why the race? To pick rooms, of course. What could be more critical?
The race for choosing bedrooms is on. Both teams have layovers – the boys in Madrid, and the girls in Dusseldorf. Or as Snooki would say, “dolls L dwarf.” Eventually, they make it to Florence. I’d like to point out somewhere the irony of all these Italian-Americans who have never actually been to Italy – none of them. There, it’s done now. Moving on, The girls actually landed in Milan before Florence, which is not where they want to be. While they’re in the airport, Snooki thinks this is a good time as any to actually convert her US dollar to Euro. Or, according to Deena – a peso. Breaking News! – Jenny’s can of bronzer has burst inside of her luggage meaning that she is now down a bottle of bronzer. The girls have to take a bus to Florence from Milan, and already Deena is falling all over the place like a sloppy afternoon drunk. The boys won the race to choose bedrooms. The boys choose the rooms and Pauly and Vinny grab the best room – only it has three beds. Ronnie and Situation grab the only two person room. The guys assume that Deena will be their third roommate. Ronnie figured if he roomed with Sammi, they’d most definitely smush, so he decides to room with Situation so that nothing of the sort happens. Vinny discovers a bidet. I have a feeling he and the bidet will have a very beautiful friendship. The girls finally arrive and see that the boys are already there and have selected their rooms. No big deal.
The girls love how the house is decorated ‘Italy style’ but were a bit pissed off since the boys were already there. Sammi can’t hide the fact that Ronnie looks good, and the tingle in her loins resulting from said look. This. Can’t. Be good. Pauly D is really curious to see what’s going to happen with Single Sammi – since he’s never met her. I think he’s deluded as there really is no such thing as Single Sammi. I bet he still believes in Santa Claus too. Pauly D thinks that the only thing that he can see that has changed is that Sammi now has bigger boobs. I noticed those two too. The camera promptly displays what he’s talking about. The guys called it – Deena takes the bed in the guys room. Mostly because she’s got her eye on Pauly D now. Deena figures it’d be great if she and Pauly D could be smush buddies, while picturing their wedding day clearly in her head of course. After a quick toast over some sour Limoncello, it’s go time. Snooki wants implants since she’s lost so much weight that her boobs are smaller, and one is bigger than the other or something – barf whatever. There’s panic as Pauly D’s hairdryer almost went bust. Ronnie manages to break a side table, simply by sitting in it. Pauly D points out that furniture in Italy is made for 110lb people and that Ronnie does not fit that description. The group heads out for the evening to walk about town and admire how Italy looks like a painting or a movie set.
Later at home, the shore mates talk about how they can’t wait to go to a club, er discotec. While talking on the smoking patio, Mike is surprised to hear from Deena that Snooki has a boyfriend since he believed her to be single. Mike thinks that Snooki will be single in Italy – he knows these things. Deena gets suspicious and thinks Mike wants to get it in with Snooki. Sammi tells Snooki about what Mike said, and Snooki is clearly grossed out as anyone would be. Sammi figures that Mike just loves to ruin people’s relationships – and she’s probably right. Single Ronnie is a mess and is already getting drunk by himself. Keeping numbing that pain, Ronnie. Sammi and Ronnie both realize that they’re simply avoiding one another and “the feelings that are still there.” In the morning, Pauly D gets obnoxious as hell and “Grenade Horns” everyone to wake up in the morning. The group tries their best to GTL, but are knee high in maps so Vinnie figures they best wing it. Terror sinks in as everyone realizes that one of the only people who can drive stick is Snooki.
The girls return home after losing the boys while looking for the gym. Snooki all the sudden REALLY wants to go to the gym. It’s at this point that I realize how much thinner she is this year and she’s clearly lost weight. Which brings my to the next though in the train – how long will it be before I see a Snooki Exercise Video? Because it’s common rule among Reality TV stars, Soap Stars and D-List Celebrities alike that there must be a workout tape. The boys, however, manage to find a gym. Here we meet Luigi. He’s a cool old Italian guy that reminds Vinny of one of his uncles back home. We all remember what that was like *shudder.* Vinny quickly realizes that Luigi is like “the guido Mr. Miyagi” in that he doesn’t look like he ever worked out a day in his life, yet he kind of knows what he’s talking about. After a scare involving some local pigeons getting a little too close to the girls, Snooki returns to her little spastic exercises around the house. It’s like watching a little mouse on speed prepare for a marathon against a cat. The boys, namely Pauly D, are really intrigued by watching Snooki’s exercises. To which, Vinny maturely stands over her face wearing nothing but a towel. That’s classy. Soon, it’ll be t-shirt time. The girls are doing their hair and they realize that the electrical conversion is too high after Deena burns some of her hair off. No one notices or cares though – that’s the good news, or the bad news if you’re Deena. Mike confides in Ronnie outside that he and Snooki hooked up a few months ago – when she had a boyfriend – when they were in LA. It seems that they’ve been hooking up a few times, and now Mike is getting feelings for Snooki. He thinks it's time he put his bull out to stud, and get himself a real live girlfriend. Of course Ronnie can’t believe that Snooki would stoop so low since she seems in love with her boyfriend.
Taxis Sono Qui, I mean, Taxi’s are here – everyone gets their t-shirts on for the first night out at the clubs. Well, they’re almost here. Vinny speaks his best Italian (by 'best Italian' picture my father trying to order dinner at the Olive Garden) and orders two cabs. Pauly D thinks he sounds funny. Sammy says she’s so excited to go out and she can’t wait to see what the discotecas are like. Something tells me her excited mood won’t last long. At the discoteca, it would appear that the shore mates approve. What more could they want? Hot bodies, drinks flowing, killer sounds, and well, themselves. The Situation’s style is a bit cramped when he tries to talk up girls, but has to use Vinny as a translator. Vinny figures his translation services will get him free drinks. Meanwhile, JWoww wishes the guys luck if Vinny is their key to success. Sammie says she’s actually enjoying herself “for once” and “no more tears” for Sammie Sweetheart. Like enjoying herself was some kind of epiphany. Ha, let’s see how long that lasts. Ronnie just wants to have a good time and dance. Vinny feels it’s his calling to keep Ronnie away from the dark
Mike continues to hit on, rather smother, Snooki while everyone watches on gasping in horror. Is this the first time they’ve met Mike, or what? After a few loose threats about Roger bringing Jionni to Italy when he comes, Mike takes a hint and disappears into a fine mist of cheap cologne as though he was never even there. Everyone knows that Dina has a crush on Pauly and she even asks him for a kiss. More surprisingly, he obliges! Dina takes no prisoners and has him by the lip when everyone is shocked for yet the second time in the evening. No one looks as surprised and shocked as Ronnie, who by the look on his face you’d think he saw a dog driving a car or something. Pauly looks pained the entire time he’s kissing Dina even though he’s gentlemanly enough to say she’s a good kisser. Who knows, maybe that pained look was shock as well? The group continues to party into the night and leave us at home with the credits.
That is NOT Okay:
- Mike tops Snooki’s impressive 8 bags of luggage with 9. Exactly how much skin care product does that guy own?!
- All the girls still have stuffed animals for bedtime?!
- Dina is afraid of pigeons? Really?
- Snooki driving in Italy!
- Pauly D leading on poor Dina!